I seem to only get to see my dad once a year. It feels like the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to me considering how close we are. I am A LOT like my dad. Sometimes too much. I got to go home and see my dad for a long weekend. Going down the escalator I see my dad the only one standing out of everyone else around him sitting. It felt like I had a number one fan again. My dad has always cheered me on. This may sound extreme but everytime I see my dad I just bawl. We have that special father daughter connection that a lot of people don't understand because they don't have it. Well my dad with a big smile and watery eyes and arms opened wide said "welcome home princess". This was the most comfort and love I had felt in a long time. I love my dad so much. As we are both choaking back the tears trying not to cry (we don't cry in front of eachother, only through the phone), we started reminiscing about good old days. My dad has dedicated so much time and energy into me and to think that it all kind of stopped when I went off to Utah really sucks. I mean of course the time and money put into me being out here is something but to actually spend time with my dad is different. I have learned almost everything I know from him. My dad is one of the smartest people I know next to my mother. Well we got back to the house, and home is definitely different. My mom took everything so the house is bare and the walls are empty. However, it still felt like home. I guess I would call it my safe haven. My home is really the only thing I have left of when my family was once happy. I remember building that house with my dad. I was 6 yrs old. I helped him grout the tile every piece of it, the whole yard was done by us as a family, the pool I helped him build and endless hours on the bobcat. In the front yard the grass trim is cement and my sister and my initials are in the cement. I still have my basketball hoop where I played countless hours with the neighborhood boy or my parents. It doesn't matter how empty that house was it was full of memories. Its hard to think that my family has all gone separate ways. Its like they all took a little piece of me with them. Sometimes it makes me feel empty. I had never been homesick in four years, and the instant of walking into the house its like four years of bottled up emotions poured out of me. My dad went to bed and I went into my bedroom. My room was the only room with some material memories. I walked into my closet and it was just the way I left it. I had trophies, old photos, and some old kiss marks some friends and I had made on a mirror. I went through my box full of memories. I have old journals, old photos, leters. So much of my life in one box. Some of the things I saw was like reopening a scar of bad memories but others were happy moments that I could remember shaping my life. The worst part about getting home was my kitties. Bubba was my cat. He was more like a dog which everyone loved. He didn'y even remember me. He has gotten so old. Since my dad is always out of town he has learned to fend for himself and has become wild. The cat that used to purrr and just want to cuddle all day didn't even let me touch him. Oreo the other kitty was mainly my moms. She only liked her and would follow her all over the house. Well as my mom left she took everything but her kitty. Oreo doesn't leave the front porch. In fact, all she does is meow. Its like she is constantly sad always looking for my mom. After all of this dramatizing stuff I finally had a good weekend.
The next morning I woke up pretty early to watch the sunrise in my backyard. My backyard is one of the most peaceful places I have ever been. It was so relaxing. My dad woke up and he walked out with some presents for me. It was so cute. He told me that when ever he is out and about, if he see's something that reminds him of me he buys it. One of the things he gave me was a shirt that said "everyone loves an angel". I'm his little angel. I guess I will not know what it is like to be a parent for a while but I imagine that my dad would do anything for me. I mean he worked his whole life for me and was there for everything. To be able to give me a present to him was the smallest thing that he could do. Its funny how at this age getting a present means a lot. I just don't understand to the exent that he loves me and I'm not sure I ever will. We got all ready for the day and went out on the town went to run a few errands and hung out by the pool. Then my dad bought us amazing tickets to the Blake Shelton concert. It was so crazy cool. Our seats were so close that I could see the sweat on their faces. The Band Perry was my absolute favorite. I don't think I have ever rocked out or danced so hard in my life. I can't even begin to explain how cool it was. I had always wanted to go to a country concert! We got to see my aunt Toni and uncle Joe there too. We didn't get to sit in the same section but it was fun bumping into them. To get out the the concert my dad and I were literally out in the country. Just fields and fields of farming. We thought that it was so perfect. After the concert we ran out to the car, my dad totally passed me up. My dad was running in the the middle of the road and some traffic director kept blowing her whistle at us "get off the road". We didn't care!
We drove home and the next morning we got all ready and headed up towards Lake Tahoe. We have always wanted to do this one hike but were never able to becaue my life was consumed with sports that we were doing that every weekend. Its called Horse Tail Falls. We were lucky to get up there when we did because just a day a later a huge fire started up there that has just destroyed everything. The hike was fun and funny. We got lost a few times. Since you are hiking up huge pieces of granite there isn't always a definite trail. We got a lot of laughs out of it. The waterfall itself is beautiful. It has about 10 waterfalls all pouring down at different levels. It was so beautiful. We packed a lunch and ate up there. We had a good talk about there about life. We always have deep conversations. Its something we both enjoy. On the hike down I literally was sliding all over the place. My shoes had no grip. My dad got so scared I was going to fall off a cliff at some points. We got back home and we were pooped. So we took a dip in the pool and passed out. We woke up starving so my dad took me and my aunt and uncle out to dinner at BJ's. The best thing there is the dang Pazookie. I make my own version but something about theres is so good. We talked for forever. My aunt told me that she has lung cancer and another disease that they don't have a cure for where he lungs just harden up. The doctors told her she had 5 years to live 2 years ago. It was so sad to hear, but she was so positive about the whole thing. She is such a fun lady and I can't even imagine the havic her and my dad caused when they were younger. After dinner we went and rented a movie and we watched that all night.
The next morning my dad had to leave town for work. I got so emotional thinking of him leaving a day earlier than planned. I had to stay in my house of memories by myself. Not a good combo. Luckily my old friend Jenno from next door came over. We went and got pedicures and caught up. I hadn't hung out with her in close to 6 years. She was still the same funny Jenno I remembered. She then left and I had the whole house to myself.
A lot of thinking went down when I was there by myself. I had a self realization about who I am, and whol I am when I am the happiest. I have changed a lot in Utah to someone I don't like. I saw how distracted I was and how dedicated I used to be in school. It was honestly really hard to have that really real moment with myself but it was needed. I now have a clear head and a clear understanding of who I am and how I don't ever want to let that part of me go.
I love my parents very much I don't want it to seem like a tribute to just my dad. Both my parents are the world to me. It's amazing how I only have a certain amount of time with them here. I hope that I can move closer to them. I don't want the good years to be gone too soon.
I am apart of the James Gang even if the gang isn't all there.
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